Eons before we emerged running out from the dusty, dark colored and disappointing right wardrobe and marched in to the bright and sunny dyke world, I happened to be a staunch follower of „girl code.” Perhaps it is because i am one particular irritating organizations produced with a ravenous hunger for ~fairness~ within this screwed-up world. Maybe i am just my personal mother’s child (my mama is the moral dictator regarding the Eastern Seaboard). Or maybe I’m only a self-righteous bitch.

Regardless of the reason; I’ve been a staunch follower of „girl signal” since those sweaty adolescent bodily hormones banged in around age 10.

So what even



is quite



„girl code?”  lady signal is a signal in which all women who happen to be typically supporting regarding gender, follow. Its an unspoken collection of guidelines, emerge location hundreds of years ago by our foremothers, to make certain we take care of our type. Its primal. Animal.

This means that even if we oh-so-fiercely dislike that vile witch who sits two cubicles out, we are going to

still

offer her a tampon whenever she is bleeding through her bleached white jeans.

Lady code is grounded on the inherent sisterhood we give all females, in the event we do not understand them truly. We display an unspoken relationship because just we see the hardships, the difficulties, while the unavoidable stress which comes in conjunction with becoming a lady in a fuckboy’s world.

As I ended up being eleven I found myself heartbroken while I observed smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball star „steal” the sweetheart of Ashley* a freckle-faced scholastic.

„just how COULD SHE?!” I gasped to my personal best friend Suzie Goldstein over a carton of chocolate whole milk in the cafeteria.

Suzie, in addition a die-hard lady coder, sadly installed her head. „I’m not sure, Zara. I don’t know.”

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A few years afterwards I had a „crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed man who had been the spitting image of

Halsey

(as I forced me to „break” on guys, i usually moved for rather kids who bore stunning resemblances on pretty queer woman take performers nowadays).


Problems had been, stated child had once outdated somebody of mine. I inquired their if she minded basically dated the woman lesbian-looking ex-boyfriend (maybe not in those words, naturally).

„needless to say we NOTICE!” she screamed, flinging the woman pink velour Juicy Couture backpack into the air.

We vowed to never challenge lady signal once more.

Then I turned 20 and started having fun with the ~lesbians~.

I became a Sapphic small kitten new on the world even though We felt like I had died and attended lesbian paradise, a very important factor really puzzled myself (okay, a



few



things, but you get in which I’m going).

Female signal did not be seemingly as fiercely ingrained into my brand new lesbian pal class. My buddies appeared to continuously be online dating their friend’s exes, flirting with used ladies and doing top-secret affairs with girls still romantically connected to different women.

„Wait—no, it’s not possible to accomplish that! It is not GIRL code!” I might shriek inside my new friend Talia, a woman who had been constantly recklessly smashing lady code along with her tan small fists.

Talia would roll the woman glittery eco-friendly vision. „We’re lesbians—it’s different. There is



sex



with each other.”

„simply because we gender with each other doesn’t mean lady signal fades the window,” I roared with a feverish intensity I didn’t even understand I had. I was 21 with ratty hair extensions and most likely -$20.00 to my personal name, but We realized within my center I was dead drilling right.

Not merely should queer females end up being staying with lady rule (and even though we do certainly, have sexual intercourse together, a lot of intercourse together), it must be clipped even much deeper compared to lady code that is present when you look at the heteronormative world. Not simply tend to be we under assault by community as a whole because we are feminine, we are in addition under attack by community at-large because we’re effing QUEER, babes! If there has actually already been a small grouping of women that needs to be securely sure to the ethics of LADY CODE, it should be you queers. Actually, I would personally refer to it as „queer code” but that’s its very own thing, worth its own article.

But everyone, wherever we secure in the sex range, everyone, just who roll from inside the queer girl area,



should



be staying with girl signal. No exceptions.

As an instance:

It’s against „girl code” to aggressively strike on a lady who’s a girlfriend.

Some time ago I was in the Cubby Hole with my buddy Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut arrived striding toward Maggie. She stomped up to her with this highly sexual „vagina 1st” strut and she started initially to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. Within seconds, she questioned Maggie out on a date.

Maggie smiled politely (she is southern) and cooed, „That’s truly sweet, but I have a truly significant sweetheart.”

„That’s as well terrible. I’ll purchase you a glass or two in any event.” The lanky lesbian purred, increasing an impressively arched brow.

„don’t be concerned about this, i acquired it.” Maggie appeared nervously at me personally (the bitchy New Yorker exactly who bites right back).

„i would ike to purchase you a glass or two. You’re gorgeous. And hey, you never know in which the connection is certainly going?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She place an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s clean shoulder.

Finally, I burst. „Dude! This lady has a girlfriend! It isn’t really merely disrespectful to Maggie, it is also disrespectful to her GIRLFRIEND. We’re all females! We don’t betray each other like this!” I roared, since the Lanky Lesbian rapidly excused herself for a smoke.

You’re not only busting woman code by simply making another girl think uneasy for rejecting the improvements, you are breaking lady code because some poor lesbian is actually resting in the home innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as her girlfriend is being HIT ON by an other woman.

What i’m saying is, maybe she’d anticipate these types of conduct by drunken bros in the bro club, nevertheless queer bar should be a safe spot! We hold united states to a greater common than men (NOT Computer, sorry), not?

It’s against „girl code” to inquire about a female’s permission to speak with her gf.

Recently I is at huge queer woman celebration whenever all of a sudden an arbitrary girl will come strolling up to my personal gf and bellows: „Can I ask your gf a concern?” Appropriate. In. Top. Of. Me. As though I becamen’t actually freaking there.

Discuss smashing lady code to the floor! You’re equating my femininity with weakness, and implying that my personal leather-based trousers displaying sweetheart is actually my employer (GAG!), because she’s not twirling around in a mini outfit like I am.

PSA: You’ll be able to twirl around in a minidress nevertheless have actually a goddamn mind.

Not simply are you splitting woman signal by judging another woman exclusively considering the woman exterior appearance and personal design, you’re also becoming wildly sexist. You are asking my personal (a little) a lot more masculine presenting girlfriend for permission to speak to „femmey very little me personally.” Listen up ladies: This mascara lesbian doesn’t have employer. Perhaps not at your workplace. Maybe not in daily life. And most certainly not in fucking really love.

Its against lady signal to date, rest with, or flirt together with your buddy’s ex (without asking for permission).

Seem: there are times when In my opinion it really is entirely OK currently a pal’s ex because lez be genuine. The planet is really small that internet dating a pal’s ex will at some point (most likely) be unavoidable. Particularly if friends all are fabulous, untamed sluts like my own, and get connected with 90 % from the scene.

But infant woman! You need to inquire about authorization before venturing into that region.

I am aware locating a lady you relate to can be as uncommon as finding a pearl in a goddamn oyster, nevertheless must hold yourself straight back if permission is not granted.

Its against girl code to flirt with your friend’s current companion (in the event it’s simple).

Near your own eyes. Picture you are at a bar viewing another girl splay the woman feet throughout the hetero buddy’s date. You might consider it absolutely was significantly unsuitable, and most likely tell the lady exactly about it, no? exact same applies to girls on lady laps.

Trust me I struggle with that one, major. I am obviously a lap seated lez, inside the most ~innocent~ of methods. We recklessly plop on laps of gay boys, lesbians, my personal mommy, my brother and right ladies as well. It’s probably a deep-rooted childhood dilemma of longing for affection.

However. That is no reason.

I’ve had to establish some rigorous borders with regards to my friends’ girlfriends. Although during my greatly mascara adorned vision I’m not „flirting,” it’s still WILDLY unacceptable for me personally becoming lapping it up to my pal’s girl. Or anybody’s girlfriend even.

It can get perplexing for all of us gays.



Oh, all of us are women! This means nothing!



But unless you want somebody’s gf to (rightfully) sock you inside nostrils whilst drunkenly perch on the lady’s lap: go attend a rose bush as an alternative. Its a far better option.

It is against lady signal to allow the lost girl go back home with a douchey complete stranger EVEN THOUGH STATED STRANGER IS A FEMALE.

If my personal straight closest friend Ruba gets uncontrollable lost and slurs to me that she is going house with some douchey appearing bro that’s giving me personally a case of full human body creeps, I’ll drag the lady out of the club throwing and screaming before I let her get in a cab with him.

Even though your own intoxicated friend goes house with another woman (aka perhaps not a



man)



doesn’t necessarily imply she’s going to end up being secure otherwise won’t wake up without terrible regret and embarrassment spirals. We’re here to protect our buddies from hazard AND from embarrassment spirals. Woman rule, baby.

So there it’s. Let me know what you think.
Content me personally on Facebook
and tell me you differ. This can be a conversation, perhaps not a lecture, kitten. I am only your self-proclaimed net lesbian huge aunt, just what hell would i understand?

OH—one even more thing. Its against lady code to treat a woman you’d a single night stand with want rubbish. Regardless of if it’s just a rando hookup (that I entirely endorse) be KIND to the girl and pay for the cab residence. Women are not to treat other females like throw away sex toys, under any situation.